November Nimrods

It happens every year, corporations - and the people who run them - periodically act like nimrods. They do dumb things and then don't deal with the consequences very well. So without further ado, here are DASH Consulting's annual "November Nimrod" awards. These are non-prestigious, non-scientific, non-objective citations that go to organizations who've really exemplified what not to do in terms of public relations savvy. Here are the "winners" in descending order:

Nimrod #4 : Wham-O
Wham-O is a California company that makes Hula Hoops, Frisbees, Super Balls and the Slip 'N Slide. In September, Wham-O sued Paramount Pictures because in its movie "Dickie Roberts" actor David Spade takes a running leap onto a Slip 'N Slide and gets burned because he didn't fill it with air and coat it with water. After that, Spade coats the slide with oil, shoots rapidly over its surface and crashes into a fence. Wham-O decided Paramount had used the Slip 'N Slide without its permission and that the scene violated the product's safety guidelines - so they filed suit.

Wham-O wins a Nimrod for its tone deaf attitude to movie comedy. It's clear to most of us that a Slip 'N Slide is a kids toy and only an idiot (e.g. Dickie Roberts) would abuse it. This is so amazingly dumb that the Grok suspects it may have been an attempt to piggyback on the success of "Dickie Roberts" which (believe it or not) spent some time as the No. 1 movie in America.

Nimrod #3: The New York Stock Exchange
In September, the public found out that the New York Stock Exchange's compensation committee had approved a $140 million pay package for Chairman Dick Grasso. On Sept. 10, the Kremlin-esque NYSE reluctantly decided to let reporters look at 1,200 pages of documents related to Grasso's compensation. But it also decided to play hide and seek by only allowing reporters access to the documents for two hours - with no photocopying or photos allowed. Predictably, the wrath of wronged reporters rained down on the NYSE.

The NYSE wins a Nimrod because it flunked crisis PR 101: get ahead of bad news and disclose all. Sure it hurts to release 1,200 pages that probably include damming documents, but the press will find out anyway. If the world puts its stock in this organization, it needs to perform a little better than this. Grasso resigned on Sept. 17 so what, again, was the point of the Big Board's silly hide and seek?

Nimrod #2: Fox News
In August, Fox News sued comedian Al Franken to stop him from using the term "fair and balanced" in his new book "Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right." In its filing Fox describes Franken as "unstable," "shrill" and "not a well-respected voice in American politics" whose views "lack any serious depth or insight." The lawsuit was filed after Franken and Fox commentator Bill O'Reilly got into a verbal scrap at a booksellers convention on May 31. It was dropped on Aug. 25 after the judge in case the called it "wholly without merit."

Fox wins a Nimrod for filing a suit that never stood a chance and in fact had the inverse desired effect: it made Franken millions of dollars. Either Fox's attorneys are nimrods or Fox's PR department wouldn't stand up to its executives. Whatever the department, this suit made Fox look like idiots. Actor Paul Newman even wrote a sarcastic opinion column in The New York Times saying he was gong to sue the Department of Housing and Urban Development, HUD, for diluting the title character of Newman's 1963 film, "HUD."

Nimrod #1 and the "November Nimrod 2003" Winner: Clarence House
On Nov. 6, in one of the most bizarre communications episodes in recent memory the official residence of Prince Charles, Clarence House, issued a statement denying allegations against the heir to the British throne. What allegations? It didn't say. Inevitably, this ignited a media firestorm, especially among the British tabloids. The allegation is that Prince Charles may have had some sort of gay sexual encounter with a member of his staff. "(It's) rather unusual to make a statement about an unspecified allegation," said Sir Michael Peat, the prince's private secretary. "I hope this will be treated on its merits and dismissed out of hand." Which it might have been if people knew what it was or if Clarence House had the good sense to shut up.

Clarence House earns top spot in the Nimrod awards for a stunning lack of strategic thinking. As one publicist told the British Broadcasting Company, "They have taken a rumor that a few hundred people were aware of and turned it into a rumor that millions of people are asking about." It's not like the monarchy needed another scandal but with this bizarre announcement Clarence House extended what has become a continuing soap opera.

So is there a lesson in the 2003 November Nimrods? Perhaps that humility is sometimes provided by circumstances; perhaps that suing comedians just makes them richer; perhaps that denying rumors does not make them go away, and finally perhaps proof positive that corporations will always need smart PR counsel to prevent them from periodically acting like nimrods.