Stupid PR Tricks

In Joe Klein's fictionalized book about the Clinton administration, "Primary Colors," reporters are referred to as "scorps” - short for scorpions - because unless they're handled carefully they can deliver a powerful sting. Once you get stung by the media it's awfully tempting to fire back; but the trick is figuring out if a response will make things better or worse.

Consider the story of Dick and Hootie, two boys who couldn't resist pouring gasoline on small public-relations fires. One got medieval on some Web wags for making fun of his wife. The other exploded when an activist had the audacity to ask him a question. Today, both of them are older and, hopefully, wiser.

On Dec. 12, 2002, Vice President Dick Cheney's legal counsel, David Addington, fired off a moderately threatening letter to John Wooden, editor of the White House parody site www.whitehouse.org requesting that Wooden take down some offensive material regarding the vice president’s wife, Lynne.

Bonehead PR move.

Here's part of what the site said about Mrs. Cheney: "... one fine July evening in 1964, she would cross paths with Mr. Dick Cheney, an old high school acquaintance. The two would dine together the next evening at a Roy Rogers Family Restaurant, then venture out for a night of dancing and sloe gin fizzes. Two weeks later, they were married in an intimate ceremony at a Las Vegas motor chapel."

Addington's letter rapidly became the best thing to ever happen to the site. Wooden posted the letter and added clown noses to the various photos of Mrs. C. He also posted this retort: "the editors of whitehouse.org are confident that any rumors about Mrs. Cheney formerly being a crystal meth pusher are 100% likely to be absolutely untrue. Similarly, any stories about her penchant for licking Brandy Alexanders off the hirsute belly of her spouse are all lies, lies, lies!"

A delirious press corps quickly broke the story of Cheney's snit fit, traffic to www.whitehouse.org surged. I also bet there was an interesting series of discussions among the veep's communications staff.

But that letter isn't even the worst case of a stupid PR trick in recent memory. That dubious distinction goes to a statement released last July by William "Hootie" Johnson, the chairman of Augusta National Golf Club, host of the Masters golf tournament.

As the world now knows, National Council of Women's Organizations Chair Martha Burk sent Johnson a pointed - but private - letter last June asking that Augusta National admit a female member. In response, he blasted her publicly in a statement that said, "There may well come a day when women will be invited to join our membership but that timetable will be ours and not at the point of a bayonet."

Bonehead PR move.

Now Johnson isn't a fool. He's worked for civil rights in the South and appointed women to management positions at his firm. He has four daughters and a reputation for being progressive. But he also has a tin ear and a quick temper, and consequently the media has itself a story that will climax on April 7 when various groups - including the Ku Klux Klan - picket Augusta National during the 2003 Masters.

So what’s the lesson here?

Most stories last but one news cycle. Thus the key question to ask in a negative situation is "will a response make things better or worse?" A CEO I know once wanted to strangle a scorp for writing a story contrasting his company's dismal performance with his fat salary and recent stock sales. He was ready to scream at the paper's publisher and ban his staff from ever talking with the reporter again - even though there were no factual errors in the article. Fortunately, his anger abated and the story died a quick, quiet death.

That CEO, Dick and Hootie should all know better. In a crisis, rapid response is critical. But jokes about your life, your wife or a private letter hardly constitute a crisis. Firing back feels good but should come affixed with a PR warning label, "the action you are about to take may well come back to haunt you."

In America freedom of speech isn't always pretty but it is always protected. And public figures like Dick and Hootie who throw gasoline on small fires will always deserve the inevitable consequences.

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